Why Men Give Silent Treatment After a Breakup
The end of a relationship can be emotionally draining for both parties, and one phenomenon that often accompanies a breakup is the silent treatment. Sometimes, silent treatment starts as a temporary communication lapse to a complete absence of communication from one party, leaving an individual wondering about the motivation behind their partner’s behavior.
Men have different motivations when giving silent treatment, ranging from the need for space and solitude to emotional manipulation and an expression of bottled-up feelings resulting from the breakup. Dive in as we explore why men give silent treatment after a breakup and how you can healthily cope with the hurtful behavior.
What Is Silent Treatment?
Silent treatment is deliberately refusing to communicate with another person. It is a way of expressing anger or hurt or used as a form of punishment. Silent treatment creates an atmosphere of tension because one partner disengages from verbal or textual communication, ignoring the efforts made by the other person to communicate.
For example, if your partner or ex refuses to respond to messages or gives you delayed or one-word responses, they could be giving you the silent treatment. Silent treatment can hurt and worsen the situation between two conflicting partners. It can lead to low self-esteem, insecurity, anxiety, and low self-worth. Silent treatment is not the best way to resolve relationship problems.
Silent Treatment vs. No Contact
Silent treatment and no contact can seem similar on the surface. However, they have different intentions and implications. A couple needs to take a break from communicating with one another after a breakup to allow time to take in the heat of the emotions and start the process of healing. If both partners communicate that they must stop communication for a while, then it is practicing no contact.
On the other hand, if a couple just broke up and has not communicated that they will stop talking for a while, it is called silent treatment. Unlike no contact, silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation whereby one partner seeks to motivate a specific behavior from their significant other by denying them communication.
No contact is a healthy coping mechanism and can be a way to resolve a conflict or get back together after a breakup. If you are just separated from your partner and need space to re-evaluate yourself, it is best to communicate that you need space instead of just ignoring them.
Why Do Men Give Silent Treatment After a Breakup?
These are some of the reasons why men can opt for silent treatment after a breakup:
Emotional Self-preservation
Men with an avoidant attachment can sometimes deal with emotions by escaping the situation. The silent treatment can be a coping mechanism for a man to avoid the unbearable pain that comes after a breakup. Going silent can be a way for a guy to avoid the reminders or triggers that remind them about the breakup.
Need For Space
Sometimes, men need extended periods of solitude to process the emotions of a breakup. While giving silent treatment is an unhealthy way to cope, sometimes it is a cry for need of space to think through and reflect on the breakup.
Expression of Anger
Silent treatment can sometimes be a mechanism to express the anger and resentment resulting from a breakup. Men can sometimes use the silent treatment to communicate or express that they feel angry towards their former partner or about how things ended.
Emotional Manipulation
Men can go cold on you to make you think you did something wrong. Not having access to a person can make them seem more desirable, triggering the feeling of needing them.
He Has Moved On
Another reason a guy would give silent treatment after a breakup could be because he has moved on with someone else. Sometimes, when a man moves on, they decide to cut off communication with their ex or reduce it to the minimum because they do not want to complicate their life.
How Long Does It Take a Guy To Move On?
Moving on from a relationship is deeply personal and varies from person to person. The time taken to move on depends on the length of the relationship, personality, and depth of the relationship. For example, a 6-month relationship characterized by a deep connection can take longer to be healthy than a 2-year relationship with a shallow connection.
Also, moving on can depend on an individual’s emotional maturity and coping mechanisms during healing. A breakup is a form of grief, and people grieve differently. Plus, some people indulge in a new relationship immediately after a breakup to seem like they have moved on when the opposite is the actual situation.
How To Deal With Silent Treatment
The silent treatment can be an emotionally taxing situation, especially when you have to communicate with your ex for logistic purposes such as co-parenting. Here’s how you can deal with silent treatment:
Respect the Boundaries
Understanding the difference between silent treatment and the no-contact rule is essential. If your ex communicates that they need space and solitude, learn to respect the boundaries and take the time to work on yourself. While silent treatment may be hurtful, avoid excessive attempts at communication, as they may only exacerbate the situation.
Personal Growth
Regardless of the hurtful silent treatment, you can leverage the ugly situation to learn suitable coping mechanisms when under emotional stress. You can also use the space alone to reflect and restructure your life. Solitude can be an excellent time to develop new hobbies and accomplish your goals.
Seek Professional Guidance
If you have an anxious attachment, silent treatment can be complex to take in. It is essential to acknowledge when the absence of your ex may become hard to deal with and seek professional help. A personal or relationship coach can work with you to develop a more secure attachment and healthy coping mechanisms during emotional distress.
